The frenemy doctor

So we went to see the new pediatrician today. 

She listened to everything  I had to say. And then she started talking. Her accent was very thick and she spoke very quiet and very fast. Needless to say, though she was speaking English, I could barely understand anything she said. (Have I mentioned yet that I am hard of hearing?)

Thank God I had asked my mom to come with me. She had to translate most of what the Dr was saying. Which was really irritating,

Additionally, when she asked how I reacted to being kicked in the face, I was honest with her and told her that I spanked Pookie. She chewed me out for “hitting” my kid. 

Number one, I didn’t hit her, I spanked her. There is a huge difference. Number 2, undermining a parent in front of their already defiant child only makes the parent’s job that much harder. 

Then she told me that I can’t hit or spank my kid. That  the only acceptable discipline is to say “no” in a quiet voice (yelling and lecturing are not allowed either) and then to calmly send the child to timeout. Pookie’s response to this was to do 2 things. First she looked at me and said “haha you can’t spank me”, then she kicked the Dr.

Needless to say we are still looking for answers. And we are still looking for a great pediatrician. 

I spoke too soon

I spoke too soon. I should know better by now. But, no, yesterday/s blog post was written too soon.

At school, Pookie stole from her teacher. Then she came home and lied about it. What did she steal? Lip balm. Again.

Then, she took things out of a shopping bag that did not belong to her. She took the package to her room, opened it, hid the trash under her bed and pocketed the item. When I confronted her about whether she had taken the item, she lied. What did she steal? A package of 2 chapsticks. Ellie had the other one. Notice a pattern?

As I was labeling the chapstick with a marker so that we could keep Pookie’s andPixie’s straight, I hear rustling around in the bathroom.

I look and Pookie is in my makeup bag, grabbing and pocketing lip gloss. And she lied about it, despite knowing that I had seen her do it.

A few minutes later, she is over by the computer desk, messing around and stuffs something down her pants (we had changed to pj’s by now) she told me that she didn’t have anything… just as a big eraser falls out of the bottom of her pant leg.

By this point I am practically in tears. I glance at the clock and it’s mercifully reading 7:15 pm, which means that it’s not too early for bedtime.

Pookie walked over to me, acting very apologetic and said she was sorry for being bad and asked for a hug. Of course, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her thinking that this is the silver lining to a very rough day… until I notice her using the opportunity to reach behind my back and grab something else to pocket…

Admitting there is a problem bigger than I am

So. Today has been rough. And that is an understatement.

My oldest daughter, has been stealing like crazy. She is only 5. Today I caught her stealing out of my purse and when I asked her about it she tried to run to her room (further confirmation that she had in fact stolen, if you don't have anything to hide, then you have no reason to hide). So I went after her and asked her what she took, and she told me she didn't take anything.

We have done this song and dance before and I have the choreography memorized. So, without further hesitation, I started to check her pockets.

She slapped and bit me which, I am sad to say, is pretty normal for her and I kept checking. Then, she kicked me. Twice. With shoes on. On purpose. She looked right at me and kicked me in the head.  

I have known for a long time that she had behavioral problems. But I always tried to fix it. To be a good enough mom and disciplinarian to correct the issues. I mean, what kind of mom am I if I can’t help my kid through some behavioral problems?

I have been told countless times that it is a reflection of my "bad parenting" that I am a "bad mom" or that I "don’t know how to discipline her right". So for a few years now I have had everyone blaming me and I have been too ashamed to ask for help.

Today, I called the pediatrician's office crying. I told the receptionist everything. I told her I felt like a failure, like I was a horrible mom. ... In short, I had a breakdown on the phone. I cried and apologized for crying and then cried some more. The receptionist could have tried to rush me off the phone and told me that it wasn’t worth crying about. She didn’t. Instead, she told me that I’m not a bad mom, because a bad mom would not ask for help. She told me that I’m not a bad mom because a bad mom wouldn't be in tears, loving her child so much and so desperate for help. She told me that I’m not a failure because a failure would not still be trying. She told me that I am not alone. that there are other mom's out there dealing with some of these same issues and that it's ok to cry but that it's not my fault and I shouldn’t blame myself.

She made an appointment for tomorrow morning at 8 am. I am terrified to go. I’m still so scared that someone will think I am a bad mom and try to take my kids. I am more scared to not go, to just keep fighting this battle alone. I am scared of my daughter hurting herself or a family member or a classmate. I am scared of eventually resenting my daughter, of us not having a healthy relationship as she grows older. I’m scared of so many things. 

I feel like a bomb went off this morning and I’m standing here looking at the devastation, frozen, terrified, in shock, trying to figure out what to do. And I have called out for help in a foreign land of medical professionals. I can only hope and pray that the person who is answering my call in the morning is a comrade, and not an enemy.

Pimping out other blogs

Occasionally, I will post links for other blogs that I enjoy ready, or even just a specific blog post that I read and wanted to share with you. This is what i am calling "pimping" the blog or post. Whenever possible, I will ask the original author's  permission to share (exception being an abandoned blog). I will always let them know that I am sharing their post or a general link for their blog, in the comments section of their blog/ post.

If you want to pimp out my blog or a specific post, please let me know. 

If you want me to pimp out your blog or a specific post (presumably because it relates in some manner to one of my posts) please just ask me. I will most likely do so, though if the material is questionable, it will be marked as such on my blog. If I tell you "no" it will be because I have a very good reason and I will share that reason with you. Please do not respond to that rejection by putting links in 26 different comments in response to everything I post. That is both rude and immature and I will delete your comments. 

Why I labeled my blog as having adult content

This is just kind of a Public Service Announcement of sorts.

I labeled my blog as having adult content. You may have noticed that there isn't really much "adult content" in my posts and you may be wondering why i labeled it that way if i wasn't going to follow through. Here's the deal. I don't have any intention of having a rated R blog or swearing a blue streak through every post. I won't be posting oodles of graphic images. However, this is my blog. About my life. And I have no intention of holding back something that I want to post simply because I am worried about the maturity of the audience. I am a grown woman with a husband and 2 kids. and real life isn't always PG-13, it's not all sunshine and roses. I am not going to scrutinize every post for material that one person might find offensive. out of respect for you guys and my own personal desire to clean up my vocabulary, I will be somewhat mindful of what I am typing. 

• Example: If my house needs cleaning, I will post: 

"I have a lot of housework to do today."

not

"I have a $h!t ton of housework to do today."

• Example: If my ex husband is being an ass, i might just call him an ass. 

I won't flag every single post that isn't PG-13, but I may flag a post that  contains graphic material, more that a few swear words, or those with sensitive subject matter that may be upsetting to some. Sensitive subject matter includes but is not limited to abuse of any kind, intimacy beyond kissing, childbirth, loss of a loved one (including miscarriage), rants about personal convictions, etc. if i am writing about a book/movie/website/blog/etc that contains sensitive subject matter or graphic material or excessive swearing, i will try to flag it as such.

I am a human being and I do make mistakes and if you happen to come across a post that you think should have been flagged and it wasn't.... First off, remember I am human and I may have forgotten, or I may not have thought it needed to be flagged... Second, understand that I may have left it unflagged for a reason. 

At the end of the day, this is my blog. This is my space, and I am inviting you all in to have a look at my life and my family/ friends. Please, be respectful. If you like what i write, feel free to comment. If you don't like what I write, feel free to comment. But all comments must be respectful. After all, we are all (presumably) mature adults, right? 

Introduction

About Me

• Alright so this is where I am supposed to dazzle ya’ll with oodles of interesting facts about me and my life/family.
• I can't guarantee that I will be dazzling anyone, but I'll give you the lowdown on Casa Awesome.
• First off, let me intro you to the crew
• I am Tw33tyb1rd Mama/ wifey/ whatever moniker suits the occasion. I am your hostess/narrator, and the wife/mom to this awesome crew. I'm a full-time housewife and mom to our kids. I hope to eventually go back to college, but I still don't know what I would want to major in. I am 29 years old.
• My hubby is the Beast. He is hubby and Stepdad Daddy extraordinaire. He is 33 years old. He is a US NAVY veteran (9 years of service. Gotta love a man in uniform, right?) He is a licensed aircraft mechanic (very awesome job!) and is going to school online full-time to get a degree in graphics and webdesign. Did I mention that the man is sexy as hell??? 
• Oldest Spawn (5 year old, female) is Pookie. She is a sweet, smart, sassy lil girl ready to take on the world. She truly is an awesome little kid. She is in kindergarten.
• Second oldest spawn (4 year old, female) is Pixie. She is a quiet, sweet, sensitive little one, and i sometimes worry that her gentle spirit will get crushed in this big wide world. She is in preschool.
• We live in a trailer in Podunk, USA. While there are endless jokes and insults about trailers and those who inhabit them i ask that ya'll refrain from that, capisce? This is my home, it is well taken care of, and I love it. So, if you can't say anything nice,don't say anything at all.
• We have a "ZOO" (notice the quotations, this means its not a literal zoo...sad that I actually had to explain that). Now, that being said, I realize that many other families have many more animals and / or a much larger variety of animals. the term "zoo" is used playfully. We have:
• A chocolate lab ( the only kind of chocolate that i am not allergic to)
• 3 cats (the crazy cat lady starter kit is a great gift for any occasion) 
• a dwarf hamster (live cable tv for the felines)
• a rabbit (our newest addition)

     All of them are indoor animals. The hamster and rabbit are          caged,  the others pretty much have run of the joint.

• I have an older sister referred to as Boss. She and I are super close, and as such, she will not escape mention here. Her crew is as follows:
• her hubby is Trucker
• oldest spawn (female, 8 years old) is Roo
• the twins (both female, 6 years old) are Rae and Jazz, or sometimes, just the twins.
• This is my second marriage. it's the Beast's second marriage, too. We are proof that sometimes 2 wrongs do, in fact, make a right.
• There are other people who I will mention I am sure throughout this blog. I will use titles, and first names only to protect the innocent, and sometimes the guilty. Though in cases where even that wont protect them, I will scrounge up a suitable identity for them. 
• If you think ya might stick around, or if you have any friendly, helpful suggestions to improve my bloggability, feel free to introduce yourself and leave a comment.